All of these lines
by quickquotetales
Summary: I'm back & trying to show you with my personal lines who I think Jo and Alex grew to be the last 3 seasons/yrs. Compilation of one shots/missing scenes from seasons 11-14; will be one shot per posting in chronological order! I'm M-Rating it because it will be - not continuously - but it will be. [... but those stories don't mean anything, when you've got noone to tell them to...]
1. 11x24

_Dear all,_

 _Hello again! I have no idea if there's still a fanbase for Jo and Alex out there. I have been MIA for two and a half years and I really… have no idea what's going on. I'd be happy and honored if I'd meet any familiar 'faces' on here but will be also very glad if anyone, really, is still interested in my thoughts and writing. In light of this spectacular finish-line we got thrown through this season finale, I decided to go back and publish all one-shots I continuously wrote over the last three seasons and years. I never did originally because I was in absolute denial about what was happening to those two people I have always cared for so much and loved so much to watch on this TV show, since their bond is just so special (to me). And with great disappointment and trying to cope with the fact, that probably I just had to accept that they were only two characters in a dramatic Shonda-world who would not survive – at least together – I never wanted to share my one-shots because it was just sad to me. And also, I didn't think anyone would wanna read them because – all hands down – they grew rather dramatic at times because I was so desperate for something happening. Anyways, since I… still have not digested all of what happened the last three years and especially the last half year, I decided to go on a three-year-flashback-ride and let any of you who are interested participate. This is rather crazy probably, going from this elated state of mind all Jolex fans hopefully are in, to a way earlier and different Jolex state of mind and travel through hardships and pain again, but maybe this is okay in exchange for some heartfelt writing. And since there isn't a show, I thought maybe you guys would like to ride along. I'm planning to post regularly and with only short breaks – as frequent readers know me – and you can expect to go through seasons 12, 13 and 14 – not with a one-shot of every episode but MANY episodes – starting with 11x24. It'll be very similar to what I did in "Between the lines"- some one-shots will be my perception of what happened in episodes or what they didn't wrap up in my opinion, sometimes they'll be just fluff or rather un-related unimportant short one-shots. I hope that at least some people will enjoy these with me! Thank you for tuning in! All my love._

 _Title credits: …[across my face], tell you the story of who I am! Heart-wrenching song, leaving me a bundle of sobs last Thursday night. I bow to the great Sara Ramirez and of course the spectacular Brandi Carlile. Incredible words._

 _P.S.: To all readers out there who have read "Change of Plans" – so… they planned to get married on Bainbridge Island, huh?_ _Any K. Vernoff readers out there maybe? Hehe!_

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 **[Following 11x24]**

Jo breathed into the kiss, feeling her own unsteady pulse and slight queasiness in the pit of her stomach, trying to black out the anxiety that had escorted her all day; the anxiety about what was happening to them, the anxiety about not knowing what Alex was thinking, what Alex wanted from life, from her, if they could find a common ground to place their relationship on, a relationship that had undoubtedly experienced the good and the bad, had overcome some drama and insecurities and eventually had turned out to show some serious potential for the future. Her reaction alone, her reaction to this past day, had shown her that she herself had changed, had opted to stay, to try and to trust. And now she was anxious beyond reason of what Alex thought about their relationship; if Alex was on board with her – or ideally _their_ – plans. She sensed him running his thumb down her waist where his whole hand was placed comfortably. She reacted with gripping his jacket a little tighter, scrunching up her face and pushing his lips even harder to hers, not wanting to let go just yet. At this, Jo felt Alex raise a small smile on his face, softening their kiss and taking a much-needed breather, their noses playing together. When Jo kept her eyes closed, trying to hold on to that closeness in between them, she felt Alex's hands go up her torso, stroke her upper arms and finally resting them on her cheeks, making her open her eyes, fear reflecting in them. Alex chucked out a breath and raised his eyebrows in wonder. He shook his head in the most imperceptible motion, silently asking her what was going on. Jo wanted to stay steady so bad, but she felt herself scrunch up her eyebrows and avert her eyes from his, feeling tears coming on.

"Hey," Alex whispered in a silent, soothing voice. Jo wanted to break from his embrace, embarrassed by her sudden show of emotion and confused about their silent agreement or disagreement or whatever it was, but Alex realized quickly and stroked his thumbs across her cheeks, stepping an inch closer. "Jo," he breathed out, making her look back up at his eyes with the sincerity of his voice, holding his gaze. Alex smiled cautiously before bringing their lips so close, she could almost taste them. "I love you, too," he told her with the face she knew so well; it was a mixture of amusement, sincere affection towards her and the incredulity of even having to repeat that thought. Jo took a deep breath and felt her limbs starting to shiver, her knees growing a bit weaker. She put her forehead in lines, to not lose anymore tears, and nodded quickly, almost mechanically. Alex chuckled and when she looked up at his eyes, he beamed at her. "Well, what did _you_ think?"

"Shhh," Jo shushed him – or maybe even herself – immediately, slightly tapping his chest and reaching up to put her arms around him, feeling safer in his embrace. Alex held her tightly, swaying her on the spot, placing soft kisses in the crook of her neck and smoothing his big hands up and down her back. They both startled and broke slightly to look at the door when they heard a noise. "We really shouldn't be here," Jo murmured in a very low voice after they had stood still and listened. She had let her fingers trace down his arm absentmindedly while staring at the dark nothingness towards the door, him taking and entwining them with his once he could reach them. He started walking towards the exit, pulling her with him.

"Come on," he whispered back at her, stretching his head out the door, looking if they were alone, and pushing the door closed once they were out. They took the stairwell to get downstairs and quickly walked out the parking area, still holding hands. When they had rounded the fence and eventually cleared from trespassing, she felt his gaze on her from the side. She turned her eyes towards him, interested in what he was going to say. "So, that's the reason you parked like four blocks away?" he chuckled. Jo looked down to the ground bashfully, feeling the blush coming on. She felt him squeeze her hand reassuringly, telling her he was just teasing, and pulled her closer to wrap an arm around her while walking.

"So…," Jo started shakily, still not having found her usual confidence back. Alex glanced at her curiously. "Does this mean…," she let the unsaid question hang in the air. They stopped walking at Jo's car, Alex turning towards her, waiting for an elaboration. When she just looked down, biting her lower lip, he sighed.

"I guess there's some things we really need to talk about," he suggested, trying to catch her eyes. Jo snapped up her gaze but felt her pulse spike again.

"We do?" she heard a shaky, very unfamiliar voice asking.

"We don't?" Alex smiled at her cheekily. At this she realized how stupid her question had been. She chuckled quietly, looking down again, only sensing Alex wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer, immediately looking up and sinking in a soft, tame kiss with him, making her head swirl. She broke the kiss and leaned her forehead against his, nodding.

"We do," she admitted.

"You wanna go home?" he asked her. Jo sighed deeply, fiddling with his jacket before she felt his fingers cup her chin and made her look up at him. "We don't have to," he told her. "But everyone's at the reception, we're alone," he reminded her. Jo nodded at him.

"I…," she started. Alex shook his head unnoticeably.

"Jo, what's gotten into you?" he asked her softly. The reaction of his facial expression let her know that she was giving him big deer eyes, trying to change them immediately to something more comforting.

"I…I don't know. I guess I'm just… a bit overwhelmed I guess," she stumbled out.

"By…?" Jo shrugged. They stayed in silence for a bit before she looked up once more.

"Can we just… can we get a booth in one of those shady pubs down there," she gestured towards some nameless small bars on the other side of the street. "I just… I guess I just need some neutral ground beneath my feet to have this conversation," she finished. When he didn't immediately react, she looked up. He was smiling.

"I'm not sure what's alarming me most– the fact that you just said… 'this conversation', which makes me uncertain if I even know what this will be about and me trying to not be scared; OR the fact that you choose _these_ bars," he gestured his head in the direction again, "in _this_ neighborhood over the home you've had for the last three years," he looked at her with wide eyes. Jo laughed at this, finally feeling a little more at ease with Alex, _her Alex._ She gave him a wide smile and then shook her head.

"I _am_ comfortable at home. With you. I'm comfortable with you there. I just… This has gotten so out of proportion and only the last 24 hours have shown me just how bad we need to talk to each other. And I feel like… now we have established that lots of disagreements we had and have circle around where or what _home_ is for both of us… and I think that at this very moment I just… I'd feel more comfortable being with you but being somewhere neither of us associates… you know what I mean?" Alex nodded, looking insecure though. Jo had to let out a small chuckle about themselves, feeling how the scales had switched to heavier insecurities on his side now. She grabbed him tighter and brought their faces together. "Don't look at me like that," she murmured. "I just wanna talk," she stated. "With no intentions to…," she trailed off for a second before looking at him sharply. "What's that you are thinking at the moment I'm gonna do?" Alex looked away with his jaw set. "No, Alex," she immediately reacted, softly guiding his head to look back at her. "This is not a 'conversation'," she used her hands to sign quotation marks, "as in… we talk and then we either move forward or I leave," she paused. "I'm not leaving," she repeated.

"…not even to go join the army?" he whispered in a small voice. Jo's eyes widened.

"Alex, I meant what I said. I wanted us _both_ to go," she bit her lip and looked to the side to gather her thoughts. "Come on," she bent her head over to show him the way towards the next bar. "Let me explain it to you, alright?" Alex nodded once before letting him get dragged to that bar and entering after her, looking around and scrunching up his nose. He caught Jo's eyes for a moment, wriggling his eyebrows at her and trying not to break out in laughter, before following her into a private booth, sitting down at the chair opposite of her. Jo, who was engaging herself in looking through the menu quickly, to get the order in and continue their conversation, looked up and felt confusion set in.

"What?"

She reached out her hand and shook her head. "Come here," she told him, ushering him to move towards the bench she was sitting on. He sighed and moved the table a tiny bit to fit next to her into the booth, where he settled, a little uncomfortably. Jo immediately took initiative and arranged both their bodies towards each other, slinging her legs across his left thigh and making him put an arm around her. They looked up and smiled when the waiter brought them two beers and sighed synchronically. Jo started fiddling with his jacket again, Alex watching her for a moment before putting a calming hand on both of hers and made her look up. "I don't," she shook her head for a while, bundling her thoughts. "Look," she put a comforting hand on his stomach in return, turning into him a little more. "First of all– you know me, don't you?" she looked up at him cheekily. Alex puffed some breath through his nose in amusement, not changing his serious facials though. Jo tilted her head and felt her own facials change with utter love in her appearance. "You do, Alex," she assured him, caressing his chest before guiding her hand to his cheek and pulling him down for a soft kiss. "You know me better than anyone I can think of," she confirmed.

"I didn't know you had aspirations to join the army," he pointed out calmly. Jo sighed.

"I don't," she put him right, making him look at her in confusion. "I don't," she chuckled. "What I wanted to say today was… I wanna do something with you, I wanna start something with you, I wanna be with you. I don't wanna be that 'girlfriend' anymore," she told him, making him react with wide eyes. She smiled. "I don't mean to break up or get married right now, Alex," she murmured affectionately. "But I wanna not be _that_ 'girlfriend' that doesn't have any meaning if you know what I mean," she told him.

"No," Alex shook his head.

Jo bit her lip. "You know, when we started dating," she knew she had his attention then, referring to something they rarely reminisced about. "Everything was easy, and okay, and casual," she rolled her eyes at his surprise. "I don't mean to say everything was smooth sailing," she sighed out a knowing smile. "I just mean, the way we worked, the way we were to and with each other," she smiled. "It was casual," she paused for a second, searching his eyes. "From where I was standing, of course," she winked at him, taking a longer pause. "Imagine the surprise when you all of a sudden asked me to marry you," she smiled lovingly. "Or – let me rephrase that –," she changed her mind. "Imagine my complete confusion about what we were even doing when you made clear that you wanted to marry me when I was just… casually… dating my superior," she smiled while he averted his eyes. Jo waited a few moments, giving him some space, before slowly refocusing his attention on her. When their eyes had matched, she scooted closer and embraced his neck tightly, kissing him longingly. She only broke shortly to check out his reaction, sinking back into the kiss comfortably when only seeing neutral mimics on him.

"So, what's this got to do with the fact that you don't wanna be the 'girlfriend' anymore," Alex broke the kiss shortly and imitated her signing quotation marks from before. Jo smiled.

"So much has changed over the course of our relationship," she said in a very low voice. "I meant what I said back then, Alex," she nodded at him, receiving a questioning look from her conversational partner. "I was convinced," she moved her hands down literally, "that I would mess us up… sooner or later," she shook her head with a cautious smile. Alex smiled at that memory, shaking his head. Jo just kept on smiling, trying to tell him she wasn't done. "Meaning… that I didn't believe in myself… or you for that matter… – again – not meaning in you as a person but meaning that I didn't believe that you would be the person to change my whole life, my whole… _me_ ," she blinked furiously while trying to explain. "I couldn't believe that after so many attempts of going into relationships and trying to make it work… our attempt would actually… turn out well," she flitted her eyes at him and felt a sting in her stomach, seeing his face. She smiled at him curiously before yelping slightly, not realizing he was rumbling down to kiss her soundly. "Alex," she tried taming him, looking around at the clientele they were amongst, laughing against his lips. "Let me finish my thought, please," she whispered, petting his cheeks, before letting him kiss her again, a little longer this time, but softer. Alex gave her a heart-wrenching stare when they parted, making her blush. She laughed and groaned when he smiled cheekily at her. "See, this is ridiculous," she told him matter-of-factly. "Three years later and I could still jump you like… any time of day… after almost anything you say or do… I just… I'm so in love with you but not even only that… I feel like I'm so… I'm just… _really_ where I'm supposed to be in life. As in general… I'm with you and that's where I'm supposed to be. Even when it gets hard – and I really am the person to just… up and leave…," she sensed a sharp breath from Alex, squeezing his hand again, "Please, don't, don't be scared about me leaving, I really am not," she told him convincingly. "But in my past… I was the one always running. Always leaving. If things got hard, I left. Because I always thought it was me. But now, with you, I feel like I belong, and I feel like this is where I'm supposed to be: with _you_. Even when it gets hard I have this feeling that – still – I'm supposed to do this with you. I just never thought that would happen. In general, but also with you. I was fidgety in the beginning because I _actually_ thought we'd risk our whole relationship, friendship, with giving into that attraction… and affection. Affection that I hadn't even dared to dream that would grow like _this_! The thing is… with realizing that over time, of course I needed and still need this relationship to grow too… do you get what I'm saying? I just… I mean… we went through family stuff and work stuff and friends stuff, signing weird love contracts, me getting you fired, and dealing with people in our bed and shower and _anywhere_ , really," Jo instantly snapped her hands up to his face, when Alex turned his gaze away with the last statement. "We _dealt_ with it all," she repeated. "We did all that and came out stronger than ever," she added quietly, a little bit embarrassed about the choice of words. "It just also made us two different people. As in apart but also together. It made our relationship different from the one we started. We've grown. Together. And I don't wanna be the stupid naked girl in your bed anymore. I don't wanna be the silly girl in her pajamas with her ear to the bathroom door while another woman is in with her boyfriend. I'm sick of being scared of Meredith Grey," she held up her finger when he started to protest. "I don't wanna be widowed every time your friend comes along and needs something," she pushed on, seeing Alex's face fall with the subject at hand. She faltered for a moment, feeling sick of what she had just said. "Oh God, I didn't mean-"

"Just move on, I know what you meant," Alex interrupted her with an impatient eye-roll.

Jo nodded insecurely, clasping his fingers for support. "I don't mean to nag about petty things like… not being able to have lunch with you anymore because you're eating with your friends, or constantly having your friends over at night or because they're feeling shitty. What I'm saying is: _We_ can have a house that's always open, Alex," she stated pointedly. He shook his head in confusion. "Look, a year or so ago, when you told me that _that_ house was and would always be open… I didn't feel like this was our house that was always open… but I felt like… I felt like that house was open to me too… until I got my life under control. Which constantly makes me feel like having to aspire to somewhere, I don't even know where. Like… I'm just a house guest like Arizona is or Meredith is at times," she explained.

"You know that's not true; that was never true," Alex shook his head vehemently.

"But it's how I felt – or how I _feel_ – about it," Jo countered. "I know you told me that it was _our_ place, and _our_ bed, and I know exactly," she shook her head with a knowing look in her eyes, "that there's a difference between me in your bed and Meredith in your bed," she clarified. "It's not about that, either," she confirmed. "But I always felt like I was just the same… I was… on transit somehow… you gave me a place to stay because you're a _good person_ ," she stressed those words with padding her hands on his chest rhythmically.

"No, Jo," Alex interrupted again.

"And even though I know by now that… that you wanna be with me just as much as I wanna be with you," she eyed him slowly, "I need to feel like we're _really_ going home together. Going back to _our_ home. Inviting or having people to or at _our_ place. I was so scared about things changing because change – for me – meant that change would occur in your life and you'd have to rearrange or reevaluate what to do with all your little problem children-"

"Stop it, Jo," Alex thrust out now, a little more angrily. Jo looked at him sympathetically, shaking her head.

"I know, Alex, that you didn't mean any of that with your behavior or words," she clarified.

"Then don't make them seem like it," he chucked out. Jo placed her hands on his. They stared at each other for a couple of seconds.

"What did you mean when you said… 'As long as I'm…. it stays open'?" Jo asked him flat out. Alex scrunched up his forehead.

"Huh?"

"Back then… when you told me that the house was gonna stay open… and that there's a difference between your relationship with me and your relationship with Meredith," she illuminated for him.

"Um… well," he stuttered.

"You meant as long as we're not… as long as you can't count on me staying. That's what you meant, didn't you?" She asked him with complete neutrality on her face. Alex flitted his eyes at hers but stayed silent. "I'm gonna take that as a yes," she continued stoically. "So, here we are," she lifted her hands and let them bounce back on her thighs. "This is what I want for _us_ : I want you to start counting on me staying," she looked at his pensive face. "Because I am," she nodded with raised eyebrows.

"Well, I told you, I want that too," he confirmed. "I want that for us. Didn't I tell you? I want a life with you, I just… I want roots and not join the army," he added again. Jo chuckled, smoothing her palm across his chest.

"I know, you made that clear. I don't necessarily wanna join the army, either. It was an idea. Maybe a hasty displacement of my genuine intentions. I just wanted to create something for _us_. Like something… something exclusively _us_. Something we can call _ours_. Be it a shared adventure… or a crappy old loft space…," she looked at him with an expectant smile, biting her lip. Alex lifted his hands and rubbed his face, chuckling and shaking his head.

"Is it so bad to live with more people that you know and like than only me?" he asked her once he looked up at her again. Jo sighed and took a dramatic pause, pondering.

"Did I ever tell you about that time… it was my first general solo surgery," she tried remembering, him shrugging, listening. "I kept throwing up beforehand… and Steph asked me if I was pregnant with your baby," she recounted, making him raise his eyebrows. Jo smiled. "I didn't really dive into it with her, but after my surgery, that conversation popped up in my head again and it made me panic completely," she told hesitantly. Alex's gaze dropped slowly, nodding as if he tried to say he understood. Jo – for the hundredth time that night – took his chin in her soft palm and guided it up to look at him. She shook her head. "Do you blame me?" Alex just stared back at her, and then hesitantly shrugged his shoulders. "Even today, between our fights, I wasn't sure what to believe or expect or hold on to! You say stuff like you love me and you wanna put down roots with me and maybe have a dog with me and that I've got you… but you… you don't show," she explained. "I can't feel that connection. I feel like… at some point we lost our synchronicity. I feel like we're just living parallel lives and hook up sometimes," she said.

"What… but I thought… we just talked about what this is…?" Alex stumbled out, seeming overwhelmed.

"Rationally speaking, I do know what we are to each other and what I have in you. And that I do have you. But I need to feel it, Alex. It's not ' _so bad'_ ," she repeated his words, "to live with friends you know and like. It's the fact that you want me to settle with you and put down roots, but you aren't willing to compromise. You don't hear me. You don't hear me saying: Alex, I wanna have a life with you and I don't know how to do that because every time I suggest something, you answer with: Yes, but Mer…," she talked onto him crudely.

"That's unfair," he spoke quietly. Jo settled in the crook of his neck, smelling the scent she loved so much, kissing the side of his chest, letting him know that she was there for him but wasn't gonna say anything about this statement; a statement that she perceived very differently from him. After minutes, it seemed, Alex slowly looked over and held her gaze, before kissing her forehead. "I'm sorry that I ever made you feel that way," he said. Jo, who was surprised about this output, let out a smiling breath and pulled him down for another kiss. "You panicked because you thought I'd leave you with a baby?" Jo sighed.

"Not exactly, no. It's hard to explain. I don't have the imminent fear of you leaving me. I just… I have this constant fear of you opting for Meredith or your other friends or career or anything and saying no to _me_ ," she admitted. "I just mean… at some point… because anything can happen really," she tried explaining better.

"Yes, Jo, anything can happen. I could die tomorrow. But you could also decide to leave me behind," he gave her multiple outcomes. Jo bit her lip.

"No, I don't mean _anything_ as in I'm scared of losing you in general. I mean, I am," she laughed nervously, "I just… right now I'm trying to say, I'm scared that I'm not important enough for you to do those steps with me," she told him bluntly. Alex pulled his head back in surprise.

"Jo," he started, making her smile dangerously.

"Alex, there's nothing to say here. You like lecturing me about how long you've known each other and what you guys mean to each other and that you've for a long time been a constant jerk, but she always let you stay at the house…," Jo ticked off her fingers. "You never do that with me. You never list what I do for you. What I mean to you," she told him with sad eyes. They stared at each other. "I don't mean to say you constantly have to tell me that, but sometimes I just don't know if there's any reason at all that you can think of why we're together," she told him. They gazed at each other, lost in the moment until Alex started shaking his head, running his right hand over his lips and taking a deep breath.

"I…," he started saying. "I'm not trying to make excuses…," he explained slowly. "But, Jo," he turned even more towards her, inching closer and taking both her hands in his, making sure she was looking at him. Jo felt like she was swaying a little bit, not knowing what to expect, nervous about their whole conversation. "I _actually_ didn't think I needed to say that," he said, making her sigh and look down. "Jo," he roused her again softly, kissing her cheek. " _You_ , Jo, mean absolutely everything to me," he told her, catching her eyes at that. Contrary to her own heavy feeling just seconds before, this did not make her tear up but chuckle. "What?" Jo shook her head.

"We need to change venue," Jo burst out laughing full-throatily. "I can't do this here," she shook her head at him, trying to keep her laughter in. Alex raised his eyebrows at her, before chuckling, too, looking around at the pathetic excuse of a bar. He waved the waiter down and paid before getting up hastily and pulling her out of the bar and walking across the street towards their car with determined steps. Jo, who was biting her lower lip, partly to reign her still rumbling chuckles in, partly because she felt her nerves flare up again, startled when they reached the car and Alex stopped, moving her to lean against the car and stand before her, giving her the most affectionate and genuine stare down.

"Jo, listen to me," he told her. "You are everything to me," he said, making her scrunch up her face, going from amusement to pure affection in a second. Alex squeezed her hands and took a sharp breath. "It's not only that I wanna spend my life with you, wanna put down roots with you, have a house…," he searched for words, before waving his left arm somewhere in the direction behind his left shoulder, "or a crappy loft space with you," he chucked out. "I don't care or mind – whatever it will be! I just want it with you. But it's not that exclusively. You're the first person in my life, who actually took me for who I was and who I am. The one person who understands what I'm talking about and also understands what I'm not talking about. The person who roughly pushes back when I'm being a jerk and who lets herself get treated way too often way too crappy, because I don't know how to act when I'm mad or irritated or disappointed or even insecure. You are everything to me because you take me and every day as it comes – with me. You don't pry, you don't judge, you don't make me vindicate," he listed. "There's not only a difference between you in my bed and Mer in my bed, but there's a huge difference between you in my life and Mer in my life," he set her straight, Jo listening with wide eyes. "I never thought to have to tell you this because I thought that we had a silent understanding of this. You're the only person who I've never had to change for. Who never hated me first and made me better myself to even hang out with or have a chance of knowing them or me. I better myself automatically while being with you. Of course, you're my… my… Jo, I don't even know what to tell you, you're my person I wanna do anything and be anyone with," he added quietly. "Let's put in an offer, hell yes, let's buy a freaking loft if that's what you want. Of course, I want it, too," he said. "I had no idea that's something you wanted. Something so… so… something that will bind you so much to one spot or person," he explained.

"What do you mean?" Jo asked him in confusion. "I mean, we've been living together over the course of our entire relationship," she pointed out for him.

"Well, yes… but I always thought… the fact that you live with me in my house is the silent compromise between us… an agreement that you'd live with me but it's not so much as to buy a place together, or even more than that," Alex tried showing her. Jo shook her head.

"Why would I-,"

"Jo, I had no idea until an hour ago that you felt that way. I mean… of course I knew somehow but as we established… you never said so much. You never said so. I couldn't ever be sure if… if…," Alex searched for words frantically. Jo watched him at it for a minute before putting a calming hand on his chest, making him look up at her.

"I'm staying," Jo stated softly. "I wanna have roots with you," she shook her head slightly with a smile. "It's just… I'm not ready for… for… for a dog… or maybe… even more," she blushed slightly. Alex grinned.

"So… there may be more…?" he teased. Jo smiled.

"Yes, Alex, of course. At some point, maybe. I mean… look, now that we have found that common ground… that agreement that we are… we are both in this… I mean for… for the long haul," she waivered her gaze, nervous again.

"We are," Alex pulled her tighter, hugging her waist.

"Okay," Jo smiled. Alex bent down and touched their lips together very softly. "You know… when you don't know what you're doing, you can't really say where you're going… you know what I mean?" she looked down at his chest, where her hands lay. Alex looked at her questioningly. "I just mean… I didn't know… with not knowing what this is to you, what or who I am to you… I just never planned ahead. I never let myself think about what we could do together or who we could be or where we could go together… and that's why I just had to know… that's also why I suggested joining the army together… I just wanted to… try to… I just wanted to learn what we could be together… I didn't mean to scare you or anything with the army thing… I just wanted to know I guess. It was just an idea… but, Alex, I'm not going anywhere if you say you want me around," she whispered. His eyes were fixed on hers.

"I want you around." Alex smiled, affecting Jo. She smoothed her hands up to his head, holding his cheeks, bringing him down and closing the gap between their foreheads.

"Okay," she breathed against him. "Thank you," she said, running her thumbs across his cheeks.

"I love you, Jo," Alex confirmed again. Jo nodded, smiling.

"Yeah," she gave him with a loving gaze. "Me too," she murmured against his lips. When they finally stopped talking and focused on telling each other with the help of their lips, they sank into a spectacular kiss that made Jo's knees finally stable again and her spiked pulse tune in with Alex's because that was the only rhythm she needed to her life.


	2. 12x02

_Dears, I'm so happy so many of you have found your way (back) to me! I love hearing of you all, and I love all views, and reviews are very special to me! All of you, who have read me before, know this, and all of you who are new, here this: I'm a very reliable person. I think I've never disappointed. When I say, I'm gonna publish this, I will publish this. And if there's only one person reading it, that's what this is. I am publishing on my own time terms though, so please don't start pressing me for time matters. I'm happy that you're excited to read more, but please be respectful to that thought!_

 _That said! I always liked this following one-shot. I like the mentality of it. I wanted to write a "normal" one-shot so bad, a routine of them together, something non-dramatic, something that'd show their togetherness on a "normal" day, which was convenient at that time, them having just moved into the loft. I like what happened during writing then, and I actually like the outcome. I hope you're all down for a "normal" one-shot because this one's not very dramatic or exciting or gripping. It's just them! Enjoy!_

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 **[After 12x01-12x02]**

"…okay, _thank you so much_ ," Jo ended the phone call that had taken some perseverance from her side and groaned. Alex raised his eyebrows at his girlfriend while taking a swig of his beer and turned his face towards her sitting on the rug next to the coffee table and emptied the millionth box it seemed.

"What'd they say?" he asked, feet up on the coffee table, flitting his eyes lazily back to the game, listening with one ear as Jo ranted.

"Two weeks! _Two weeks_!" she chucked out angrily, throwing the random stuff on the table with a little too much momentum, making Alex frown and look her over, irritation setting in. "Ten days is the _least,"_ she paused, making her disbelief clear, " _we_ gotta give _them_ ," she rambled on, not really talking to Alex, succumbing to her own little mad world.

"Just chill," Alex gave her indifferently.

"Chill?" Jo's voice sounded shrill. "I won't have any underwear left until then," she raged. Alex looked at her with half an amused face.

"Maybe you should have led with that?" he smirked at her. Jo didn't look up, continuing sorting through the stuff, putting it in piles.

"I don't need them bringing me a loan unit," she spat.

"Then don't complain," he turned back to the screen, taking another sip of his lukewarm beer and grimacing at it.

"It's gross! You know how many people have washed their intimates in those?" she looked at him, the absurdity of that thought written across her face.

"You know how many people have washed their intimates in the ones we had at the house?" he shook his head at her, her problem seeming beyond him.

"Yeah, what's up with that? You own a house but no washer?" Alex rolled his eyes at her, having gone down that route a handful of times already that night. "Don't roll your eyes at me," she gave him rather rudely.

"Don't snark at me," he just said, unfazed, familiar with her moods. They sat in silence for a bit, him watching the TV, her getting up, putting the stuff she had sorted to their new destination and dumping another box in front of her.

"So, did you have it out with Edwards?" he didn't even make the effort to look at her. Jo huffed.

"What was it you told me…? Up my game or deal with it?" Jo stared him down madly. "So, no, since Grey is needing the entire hospital to scamper around her, I did not have it out with Edwards," she told him pointedly. Alex rolled his eyes again. "You know, I wish, those eyes would just get stuck the next time you roll them at me," she sounded like a teacher. Alex chuckled, focusing his eyes on her demeanor, knowing full well that she was having a crap day and maybe something underneath all that was coming up as well. She just needed time. At least, usually she did. They sat in silence for a bit, Jo not seeming to be willing to talk more about it.

"So…," Alex rearranged himself on the couch, not having found the right position yet, everything too unfamiliar still. "That little intern's totally into you," he teased her with a knowing smile. Jo's face changed, sporting a painful look but at the same time tried not to give him anything. Alex chuckled. "How did you wrap him around your pinky in such a short time?" Jo rolled her eyes.

"He's a fool," Jo whispered into her lap, where she was entangling some cords.

"You're out of his league, that's what is," Alex corrected. Jo looked up at him with a masked face.

"It just sounds wrong when you say that," she told him pensively.

"Why?" Alex scrunched up his forehead.

"It sounds like you compliment yourself," she pointed out for him. Alex laughed.

"You're out of _my_ league, too, babe," he winked at her. Alex grew wary when her face never changed throughout the conversation but tried to not show her his own insecurities. "I just got lucky."

"Dope," Jo mumbled, getting up unceremoniously, apparently on her way to store away some things again. Alex – though usually relaxed about conversations and moods like that – felt himself getting very concerned about her apathetic vibes. Usually she would at least counter with her dry sense of humor or bite something back rather rudely. Which she had; what puzzled Alex was that there wasn't a hint of love in there. That just wasn't her. When Jo had her moods, she'd rage and rant and badmouth him, but always lovingly, or at least she let him know that she was having a minute and wasn't hating on him specifically. So, when Jo walked passed the couch behind him, Alex turned quickly and caught her elbow, making her look up in utter surprise, totally engaged in her own thoughts. "I found your heart rate monitor, by the way. Or is that the one you had hooked up to your old cell? I swear if you don't stop hoardi-," she was startled right in the middle of her rant, looking at him as if he'd just emerged from out of thin air. Alex didn't immediately say something, so she shook her head at him, waiting for what he wanted to say. Alex tugged at Jo's elbow a little more, making her step closer reluctantly.

"Jo, I know you had a crap day-" he started but stopped when Jo sighed and moved to walk on, making him catch her waist again, this time holding onto her a little tighter.

"Stop it, Alex," Jo squealed, raising her shoulders, showing her distaste of his touch.

"Will you stay for a second?" he told her sternly.

"What is it?" her eyes pierced his in a flash.

"Will you calm down for me, please?" Jo rolled her eyes, looking at the ceiling and crossing her arms. "Come, sit," he told her.

"No," she just said. Alex groaned.

"Jo," he whined.

"Just," she told him with a shake of her head. "Just let me finish this, alright," she whispered before looking towards the place she intended to walk to. Alex nodded quickly, not knowing if to let it go or not. He caught her hand again though before she could flee completely and managed to pull her back enough to peck her lips quickly. Jo grumbled but let him do it for two more seconds before turning back and going on with her stuff. Alex observed her for another few moments, trying to decide how to proceed or if to just leave her be, before feeling his phone vibrate in his pants pocket. He scrambled to get it out, seeing Mer's face on his screen. He sighed, picking it up reluctantly.

"Hey," he greeted her rather quietly, not wanting to rouse Jo in her already bad mood. He sensed as Jo looked over in surprise but went back to her bustling rather quickly when seeing he wasn't talking to her.

" _Bailey gave me chief of general,"_ Mer informed him without any greeting. Alex scrunched up his face.

"She did what?"

" _You heard me,_ " Mer replied dryly.

"So, why are you in a mood, then?"

 _"I'm not,"_ his friend replied again without much emotion.

"You don't sound so happy," he stated.

 _"I just wanted to see if you're up to have a drink over at our house, celebrate, you know,"_ she sounded reluctant. Alex sighed silently.

"Nah," he told her quickly. "It's one of the rare nights Jo and I both are off and it's gonna be for a while," he explained.

 _"Gross,"_ Mer told him, chuckling. Alex rolled his eyes.

"Hey, congrats. Welcome to the grown-up's club!" he laughed.

 _"You sure, you don't wanna come over for a drink? You can bring Wilson if you want, you know,"_ Mer told him, seeming relaxed in the moment.

"No. We," Alex coughed lightly, trying to find a good excuse. "We're working on getting the loft fixed up," he said, immediately earning a glare and a snort from Jo who obviously was the only person fixing up their place at the moment. Alex shook his head slightly at her, planning to end the call quickly.

" _Yeah, are you planning to invite us over at some point or not?_ " his friend laughed.

"Yeah, some day," he told her. "Go celebrate, big night," he told her, making her grunt and acknowledge before they said their goodbyes and hung up. Alex put his phone and his empty beer bottle on the coffee table, feeling old when he tried climbing out of the soft cushions of the couch. He walked over towards where Jo was standing, putting books into a shelf, seeming to ponder about how to arrange them. She seemed to be deep in thought since she startled when he walked up and cupped her waist. She tried ignoring him, moving her shoulders in discomfort though, when he started massaging her neck.

"Ugh, stop," she told him again, not looking at him but continuing to stare at the shelf. Alex bent down and put a soft kiss to her neck, knowing full well that she – out of pure reflex – put her head to the opposite shoulder as if to crack her neck, relaxing but immediately straightening up again and weaseling out of his touch. "Stop," she whined again, more agitated now. "You know I don't like that," she told him off. Alex just laughed before getting thrown a deathly stare. "When I'm not feeling well," she added almost sheepishly but not losing her face at it.

"You mean when you're pissed," he corrected her teasingly, trying to pull her closer, still standing behind her, getting slapped away. Alex felt dumbfounded for a second when something else came to his mind. "Hey," he told her, softly taking her upper arms now, but with conviction, turning her as much as she allowed, searching her gaze but not quite being able to fix it. "Are you hurt? Is that what's bothering you?" he looked her up and down and tried fumbling with her hair, making her wriggle out again. "I heard what happened," he told her, strictly searching her eyes now. Jo sighed and closed her eyes, shaking her head in a small motion.

"I'm fine," she just gave him. Alex sensed how Jo's body seemed to shift a bit, growing tired of rejecting him it seemed. He slowly turned her around fully and shoved her in his arms lightly, hugging her. Jo, who hadn't helped with the process at all, just lay against his chest, her arms still full of stuff. They stood like that for a while, not talking, Alex gently brushing his hands up and down her back. "I'm fine," Jo repeated after a while, lifting her head up, quickly responding to his eyes before turning them to the side.

"What hurts?" Alex demanded. Jo sighed and stared at the wall for a while before looking back up at him.

"I've got a nice bump on the back of my head. But it's fine, it's just a bump. Nothing serious," she gave him hesitantly. When Alex's hands instantly flew up, examining the bump, Jo winced and took a step away. Alex's head fell to the side, fixing her eyes.

"Jo," he warned her, making her roll her eyes now. He took her hand, pulling her to the couch. Jo, who knew that she didn't have a choice now, followed and put the remaining books down on the coffee table and sat, waiting for him who had moved over to the kitchen, bringing cool packs and towels. When he walked closer, he squinted his eyes to the fringe of a bruise that was visible from underneath her shirt. He sat down behind her and pulled it down slightly, making her hiss again. "Ugh, Jo," he scolded.

"It's fine," she repeated, lifting her hair from her neck though, for him to look at it.

"Take off your shirt," Alex demanded. Jo slowly took it off and showed off a slight abrasion on her right shoulder blade and some spots that looked lightly discolored, probably growing to be bruises after a few days. He softly touched the spots, checking them, making her try to duck from his touch.

"I told you-" she started again.

"It's fine, I know," Alex imitated her calmly. "You should have said something earlier," he told her, getting up, and fetching a bruise cream, sitting back down and massaging some on her spots gently with it and holding her around the belly, so she wouldn't scramble about with the discomfort. He could see Jo adapt a painful face from the corner of his eye but stay steady, knowing this would help. When he was done, he kissed her shoulder, motioning for her to put her shirt back on and wrapped the cool bag in the dish towel. He put it on the back cushion, making her rest on it, pulling her close to him. She seemed to tolerate their sudden closeness, making him move forward and kiss her neck again, a few times, until Jo reciprocated and rested her left arm in his lap, entwining their fingers, sighing. Alex watched her stare at the screen mindlessly for a while, before turning her head slowly, looking back at him. He got rid of a lock of her hair from her face before bending down and kissing her lips cautiously. Alex met tired, unmoving lips. They were pucked to meet his but not moving actively, seeming exhausted. He pulled back, kissing her cheek and temple, making her close her eyes and lean into him.

"So," Jo cleared her throat after a while, "Meredith coming over?" Alex just shook his head. When he didn't elaborate, she looked over, them finding themselves forehead against forehead.

"She got appointed chief of general," he informed her. Jo raised her eyebrows high.

"Are you serious?" Alex nodded solemnly. Jo chucked out a breath, smiling snidely and closing her eyes.

"You don't think she deserves it?" There was a silence in between them.

"I don't think I'd be able to judge. It just strikes me… it's just amazing… how she did that… I mean, come on," she opened her eyes lazily. "She hasn't been around much," she pointed out. Alex felt unsure what Jo meant. Was she amazed by Mer's success or had this been a sarcastic comment?

"Well… it's not like it'd been much different if she'd just had a child, you know," Alex gave her back. "I mean… yes, she was gone for longer, but if she'd had Ellis here, she'd have been gone a while too," he voiced.

"Yeah, I don't think that's the same though. And anyways, there's like a million general surgeons at the hospital… many older, more experienced, highly qualified…," she told him.

"I'm head of Peds," Alex shrugged his shoulders.

"So?" Jo asked him in surprise.

"Well… There's lots of qualified, older, more experienced Peds surgeons out there," he said.

"You're awesome," Jo gave him with narrowed eyes, making him chuckle. "No, seriously, Alex, you save kids with ping pong balls and appendices and all kinds of insane surgeries. I know you don't like talking about it but what about the suspended animation? And even when you can't save them… I mean… how many preemies have died in your _arms_? As in... not by themselves? Seriously, Alex, you're _the_ best person for this job I can think of. You _are_ the job," she stressed. Alex looked at her with wide eyes, taken aback.

"That's how you think of me?" he asked her, perplexed.

"Um, yeah," she gave him intense eyes. "I mean… that's one way, of course," she wriggled her eyebrows and grinned, making Alex's stomach skip with the joy of seeing her relax a bit and calm down from her mood.

"Well, these kids just need someone in their corner. I seem to like corners," he shrugged. Jo smiled at him genuinely.

"And that's why you're head of Peds. I loved Arizona, I did, and I do, but she's just not you. She was good with the moms. You're good with the kids. But," she told him with even wider eyes now, shaking her head at him. "Don't think I didn't realize you glossing over your achievements again," she ratted him out. Alex just looked back at her. "Why are you always doing that? Why can't you just be proud for once of what you do?" Alex pondered.

"Most of the things I do are pure chance," he said, and sounded weak.

"Bullshit," she reprimanded. "They are not. Of course, if you have a great idea or not, that may connect to chance, but you are the brain putting them out," she told him convincingly. Alex blushed, making her smile slightly but let it go for the sake of some more words on that matter. "I never asked because… well," Jo gestured around the loft, pointing to the fact that they had other things on their minds. "You sounded so mad about that 'insane surgery that worked'," she signed quotation marks in the air. "You know… the suspended animation," she helped. "Why is that?" Alex groaned lightly.

"It's science fiction," he replied groggily.

"It's science fiction we made real," Jo corrected him. Alex rolled his eyes. "See, that's exactly what I'm talking about," she pointed at his face.

"It was unethical," he told her.

"It worked."

"Imagine it wouldn't have," he shrugged.

"But it did, Alex."

"Those kids need somebody in their corner. Some of those kids have no one, some of those kids have someone but they don't know anything about surgery. So yeah, I'm that someone in their corner. I have to make reasonable, ethical and of course efficient decisions, a lot of times not only with them but for them. That kid was a total exception. He was dying. There wasn't anything we could have done. Hunt was already on his trip and when we learned that it hadn't been done on humans, it was too late. I would have never allowed any of my patients to have this procedure done on them with knowing what we knew then," he argued. Jo followed interestedly.

"Okay," she concluded. "That's comprehensible. But isn't it amazing that it worked? Cause now we know it does! Now we can build on that. _You_ can!" she was getting excited.

"Some things are more chance than competence," he told her. "I'd rather focus on competence than on chance. And as long as this procedure has not been in trial on humans, I can refrain from using it."

"Um… I'm just surprised is all. You're not the type to be or think conservative," Jo half stated, half asked. Alex scrunched up his forehead but then shrugged. "And you're not," Jo sat herself up a bit, leaning towards him. "You need to start seeing that your work and your successes and your patient care is everything but chance, it's extreme competence! You are an amazing doctor, Alex, a world class surgeon," Alex snorted at this. Jo only shook her head. "And – I know you do not put those two things together –," Jo looked down for a second, matching both their hands and taking a deep breath, matching their eyes as well. "But I just _know_ ," she stressed. "That _you_ were not the screw up back home," she pushed on, seeing his completely taken aback face, knowing he was mostly surprised about her having heard and saved that comment he had made a few days ago to her memory. "Jimmy was the screw up. _You_ held them together, _it_ together. You saved your mom and your siblings. I know you think that you could only save them by chance, that things just luckily placed themselves. But, Alex, _you_ took care of them your whole life. You knew the dangers and you knew the safe places. You hid them when necessary and you gave them shelter and let him put his hands on you instead. _You_ didn't screw up your home life in your childhood. _He_ did. _They_ did. Start believing it too. You do things because you're competent, and because you _can_. Not because fate's generous with you," Jo ended her sermon. They looked at each other for a second.

"I did not put that together." Alex just said. Jo smiled and smoothed her hand across his cheek.

"Because you don't believe in yourself," she murmured.

"Good thing you do, it seems," he tried a small smile. Alex saw Jo's eyes beam with joy.

"I do," she nodded, pulling him closer. "And you should too," she added another time before pulling him in for a deep kiss, having found her strength again. Alex moaned against her, deepening it.

"Are you okay though?" he parted them slightly, asking softly.

"I really am fine," she whispered to him softly. "I have you taking care of me," she smiled. Alex kissed her again.

"Okay," she felt his words vibrate on her lips. "Then trust me," Jo looked up at him with her gorgeous eyes. "You're just _fine_ ," he stated teasingly. "You don't need any underwear, not if it's my choice," he imitated her laughter when feeling and seeing it. "Seriously, those ten days can draw out, I'm ready for them." With this they fell back on the couch and enjoyed a quiet Monday night together.


	3. 12x03

_IIIII'm sooo sorry for the delay! I feel horrible. It's been crazy. I never meant to do intervals like this! So sorry!_

 _And I'm also sorry if I offended any of you with what I said last chapter about updating? Judging by views, viewers didn't get fewer, but reviews did. So just let me be clear, I appreciate and love every review, I just wanted to also tell that it's not cool to feel like all I am is a story-producing-machine and please be respectful of that! No offense meant at all! But all's good I hope?_

 _Well, anyways, here's another chapter!_

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 **[After 12x03]**

Alex and Jo both started breathing heavily into each other, not being able to keep their hands to themselves. Alex had started kissing a trail down her torso and shifted her shirt. Jo followed his head with her eyes before closing them and trying to get comfortable, sensing how he tried ridding her of her pants. When he kissed her through her panties, she sighed audibly. Alex trailed the tip of his tongue irritatingly slow up the crevice between her thigh and her privates, dipping underneath her lacy pants every other while. Jo made out her own whistles and sighs that grew stronger and heavier, her head swirling, fingers tightly knitted into Alex's hair – and he wasn't even there yet! Jo wriggled her hips in anticipation, feeling him smile against her, softly brushing her hand across his head, guiding it towards his hand that was resting near her thigh, entwining them, stroking her thumb up and down his palm. Jo already felt near exploding, however, something was still inside her, a craving that hadn't been satisfied yet – beyond the sexual kind. She pushed her thumb into his palm gently, making Alex – who was busying himself with unfolding her folds with his lips – look up and gaze at her, trying to make out what she tried communicating. Jo let her fingers trail down from his palm to around his wrist, him knowing exactly what she wanted. When she started sitting up very slowly, he tried pushing himself up by pure muscle and shift closer, their eyes burning into each other. Alex smiled at his dazed looking girlfriend before sinking into a deep kiss, sensing how Jo wrapped her arms around his neck tightly and sinking back into the mattress, Alex on top of her. To his surprise, it wasn't a quick deep kiss as he anticipated, her getting nervous and exasperated with him taking his time and wanting to get him closer to check how hot he himself already was, no, she didn't seem to plan to let him go anytime soon, the kiss so deep, he felt his stomach twinge with emotion. Alex smoothed his big hand down Jo's waist, before sliding underneath her shirt and bringing it up again, reveling in her smooth skin. The way Jo was holding onto him, Alex knew she was being emotional. Alex tried loosening the kiss a bit – not an easy feat since Jo was clinging to him, her thighs tightening around his waist, enclosing his semi-hard penis –, murmuring against her lips.

"The way your hormones sprout right now, I wouldn't be surprised about a baby soon," he told her warmly.

"Shut up," she mumbled back, kissing him again, knowing how right he was. Alex snickered against her, letting her lead their actions, feeling her stroke her hands down his defined back now, swooping into his boxers to get a hold of his behind.

"I actually didn't think you were there yet," Alex kept on mumbling against her, fumbling with her bra and unhooking it underneath her t-shirt, laying his big hand on her right boob, embracing it, feeling Jo suck in her tummy and her nipple harden at first touch, a deep moan lingering at her lips.

"Why do you always say that? I feel like I'm always right there where you want me," Jo whispered back, pushing her chest into him lightly and tensing her pelvic base, teasing his slowly growing erection. She felt Alex change his facials into a questioning look.

"What are you even talking about?" he breathed, very much reacting to her lower body action. Jo's eyes were dark with desire as they stared at each other.

"You keep making fun of me for reacting the way I do when you seduce me. I don't get it, seriously," Jo shook her head slightly, laughing, pecking his lips when he moved closer in between her words, "I'd think you'd want me to enjoy your advances," she blushed somewhat. Alex shoved his tongue between her lips, being welcomed by hers, feeling that prickle he always felt while doing that – something so innocent but still… it was so intimate, and she loved it, and so did he. He felt her thrive with lust underneath him, tugging at his hair, knowing she was on the verge of fainting with the intensity she kept holding and touching and feeling him.

"Slow down, Tink'," he tried soothing her, Jo giggling about that nickname he hadn't used in ages. "And I'm not talking about you panting for me," he winked at her, making her stubbornly ignore him and pulling him back to her lips, him keeping on talking against her lips. "But you being _there_ …yet," he tried clarifying. He felt her crunching up her forehead between kisses. "For having kids," he said bluntly. "With me," he added, her tongue already spoiling him again. Jo was still ignoring him, making him chuckle into her even more.

"Shush," she murmured, finally going down and pulling his shirt up, making him lose it. Alex laughed while sending it over the edge of the bed, shaking off his jeans from around his ankles.

"You know you love it," he teased her, biting her ear seductively, feeling her temperature rise in her cheeks and seeing the rosy blush, kissing a trail down her neck, sensing her jaw set, probably to not bite his bait. "This rouses you more than me talking dirty to you," he breathed his laughter against her chest, working on freeing her of the shirt. They both knew that he was right, that she couldn't help it but his teasing and often cruel jokes on their way to lovemaking made her even hotter for him, the tension of not biting back, of not giving into him, of not going after him, it all spiked with the tension she held for him sexually. Jo kept on ignoring him, moving her hands across his muscular shoulders, breathing heavily underneath him, dragging off her shirt, once he was lower, and lost her bra at it, feeling the cool draft going over her nipples, stretching them towards the ceiling, overwhelmed with sensation. Alex looked up from his position, marveling at her, taking her lace pants between his teeth and pulling them down torturously slow, watching her react to it, having to gulp down his caveman self in order to not jump her this very instant. He kissed up a quick and sloppy trail, not being disciplined enough to take his time anymore, making her chuckle now, awaiting him and taking him into a much-needed kiss – as if they hadn't done so only a minute ago. He groaned as Jo lowered his boxers, dragging them down with her toes, slowly parting their lips, their eyes matched in desire, both looking down at his erection grazing her privates. Jo let out a shaky breath, her torso shivering, making him look up and their eyes burn into each other. In between all that constant desire they had for each other, and their arousal at the very moment, they both felt the surge of their imminent lust, their acute need for each other at that very moment, crashing together, clasping to each other, Jo taking reign though and pushing him over, to straddle him, bending over him, making him look up in wonder, taking her waist and marveling at her beauty. "Just think how cute those babies would be," Alex whispered dazedly, making her breath out a laugh with closed eyes and going down on his penis slowly, having positioned herself right on top of him. They both took a deep breath, Jo stilling, guiding his arms around her, so she was tightly embraced by him, bending down to give him a grand smile and kiss him softly, lovingly, before they both closed their eyes with the detonation of their emotions and sensations.

Afterwards, they lay quietly, breathing slowly, nestling underneath their huge and heavy cover, Alex lining Jo's back perfectly, him running his fingers cautiously up and down her right arm while having slung his left arm around her, hugging her. Everything was calm, they lay perfectly, not even caring that it was broad daylight and other people were out working, both their phones going overboard with messages. When both their heart rates had gone back to their normal rate, their slight sweat had dried, their skin changed back to a normal color, Jo shifted her head a tiny bit, gazing at him. Alex looked back contently, seeing her beautiful but small, toothless smile. He bent down and pecked her lips gently, lingering a bit.

"That was perfect," Alex aspirated. Jo smiled a little wider and nodded with closed eyes, Alex placing his lips to her lids softly, before moving to her lips again, afterwards settling besides her, his nose in her hair right by her temple. They stayed silent for a long time. "So," Alex coughed slightly, making her look up at him honestly. "Do you… I mean… are you?" Jo gave him a confused face. "There yet I mean?" Jo smiled, a little awkwardly though.

"No," she answered him quietly, glancing down. "I…," she shook her head slightly. "Sorry, Alex," she decided to match their eyes, seeing Alex in his entire authenticity before her. She knew then that he didn't care what she was going to say. It was all going to be okay. Even though it had been a bit of a bumpy ride there.

"Whatever you're saying sorry for, it's not necessary," he calmed her.

"Sorry for making such a… fuss about… you know," she told him. Alex smiled lovingly.

"You barely make any fusses," he told her clumsily, Jo chuckling. "I just… can you explain it to me? In a few words? I guess I'm not smart enough to really understand what the problem was… except for your insecurities…," he added hesitantly, not wanting to upset her. Jo sighed, biting her lips. "I mean, it must have been really bad… seeing that you couldn't even wait until after my surgery?" Jo looked up at him guiltily.

"God," she closed her eyes and shook her head, turning a bit angry with herself it seemed. "I'm such an idiot. I'm so sorry," she told him with sincere eyes. Alex just shook his head. "What happened?" she asked carefully, quietly. Now it was Alex's turn to sigh dramatically.

"I couldn't save them both," he said straightforwardly. Jo squeezed the arm that she was holding on to, the one he had slung around her.

"And I'm making you talk about babies… I'm sorry, Alex, I'm a horrible person," she shook her head frantically, disappointed with herself it seemed, her eyes shut desperately.

"Jo, stop, it's okay. The one thing has nothing to do with the other," he made his feelings clear. "And you need to know that before we procreate, so you won't go all crazy on me and the kids every time one of my kids doesn't get to live," he told her, sincerity, grief, but also strength and truth in his voice. And on top of that, realizing how much he liked the sound of _you and the kids_ on his own lips. Jo nodded with a lined forehead, still feeling horrible. They fell silent for a moment before Alex tried cheering them up a bit. "Arizona says we're gonna have foulmouthed, dirty, but cute kids," he pointed out. Jo snorted, not having anticipated him saying anything like that. She chuckled a bit before putting her head to the side, looking at him questioningly.

"In what context would she say that?" she had raised her eyebrows in amusement. Alex cleared his throat awkwardly, grinning toothily at her but embarrassedly.

"Um… well," he stuttered. "I kinda thought… or well, she kinda thought… you might already be there… we might already be there," he stammered.

"As in…?" Jo inquired.

"Yup," he felt the blush coming on.

"You know that I can't get pregnant right now, right?" Jo asked him with a mixture of incredulity of him thinking that way, amusement and honest concern in her eyes.

"Yeah, well, even IUDs have failure rates," he waved her off. "And, to be honest… you've had that thing for a while… I wasn't even sure if maybe you're in between an old and a new one... or maybe… you know, whatever," he spluttered. "That sounds horrible," he laughed after a second. "I should know better than that, shouldn't I?" Jo nodded at him with a wide smile.

"With the frequency you're trying to impregnate me, yes, you should definitely know better," Jo spluttered over him with laughter. Alex rolled his eyes and laughed, pulling her a little closer and shifting her to face him better.

"I'm not," he told her quietly. "I mean not actively," he clarified. "And especially if you don't want to," he finished.

"I know that," Jo – again – gave him both amused and serious eyes.

"I mean we can start using condoms again as well," he suggested. Jo burst out laughing.

"Oh my God, Alex, stop it," she spluttered. "This is ridiculous! Stop being so self-conscious about me. What's up with that?" she said.

"I just… I feel like there's so many things on a daily basis we haven't talked about yet or in a while… and I constantly do or say something wrong or put my foot in my mouth or something," he confessed.

"Oh, stop it, that's not true," she said. "I was just worried. I found that paper and all of a sudden, I couldn't get those Izzie/Alex-faced, gorgeous, grumpy babies out of my head and then I thought about that stupid dog that you had offered me and then I was getting self-conscious about Mer in our bed again and then I thought maybe I pushed you too much about moving into our own place and then everything went wild. I mean… then I was thinking… what if you guys had still been married when I came to Seattle, would we have met? I mean met like this?" she gestured in between them. "Or maybe," she reacted to his eyes rolling. "Maybe if you guys had divorced but Izzie had stayed and been around, would we have had a chance then? Is she always gonna be that person that you long for and would rather have had babies with and continued being married to? And did you actually always want to stay in that house that I know you love _so much_ ," Jo seemed to take her first breath in ages.

"Jo, stop right there," Alex told her sternly.

"I'm not done," she took a huge breath to start anew.

"No," he told her, holding her gaze and staring her down. Jo shrunk underneath him. When he smiled, she couldn't follow anymore.

"Say something," she begged him in a small voice. Alex chuckled.

"Wow," he gave her. Jo sighed and rolled her eyes. "I had no idea that that crap piece of paper could be trigger to so much… crap," he told her. "Look at me, Jo," he instructed. He waited until they had matched eyes and stroked his thumb across her cheek. "There are no Alex/Izzie babies out there and there never will be. Paid 1500$ so they could dump 'em a year later," he cleared that up. "Oh, and they wouldn't be grumpy, they'd be cheery," he added and knew, when seeing her face, he was driving her to the edge. He laughed. "I'm just saying, they'd be all Izzie, not mine," he told her.

"Well, I never knew perfect Izzie," Jo gave him pointedly.

"Don't," Alex immediately stopped her. When matching gazes, Jo blushed and looked down, putting her hand on his chest.

"I'm sorry," she shook her head. "I don't know what's going on. Maybe I am hormonal. I'm usually not like this," she pointed out.

"I know," Alex nodded with wide eyes, telling her it was very questionable.

"I don't know why I'm acting like this. Something just… ugh… maybe it's just… no, I really don't know. The thought of her drives me crazy. Maybe I'd feel better if I knew her. All I know is that everybody loved her, and she was beautiful and gorgeous, and she was your wife and you had her embryos fertilized," she shook her head over and over and over again.

"There were quite a few people that didn't like Iz," Alex winked at her. "And yes, she was beautiful and gorgeous, and I loved her very much back then," he told her without a mask. "But that does not compare to what I have now," he kept on going, knowing she needed to be anchored again. "Jo, this was years ago. I didn't even know you back then. I had no idea there was a person like you. I was a completely different person back then. I was moody and broody and intolerable," he said. "I'm serious," he intensified. "Nothing like now. I may be moody or rude sometimes, but…," he shook his head. "It's different now," he paused. "I never thought I could score with her. But she was the only one who gave me a ‚real' chance. So, I fell for her, so hard. But back then, I never realized that we didn't work very well together. Our lives just didn't mix. Our values and our goals and our lifestyle… nothing mixed well. She wanted a completely different life. I couldn't give that to her. Sad thing is, I always thought that was the only problem. I never even came as far as realizing that she couldn't give me the life _I_ wanted, either. I was so set on trying to give her everything. Make her see that I too could grow and be the man she wanted me to be," he laughed. "That _she_ wanted me to be. She was so critical about everything, she would nag me to death to change the smallest things, but she'd never appreciate when I did change. Or when I tried," he sighed. "I loved her so much, I didn't realize that it was ruining me. That I gave myself up for her. And that she was a hypocrite. That she never lifted a finger and tried changing the way I wanted her. Or not even her… something. Like how I wanted to live. But then she got sick and everything went so fast. She was dying, and Jo, I'm serious," he gave her sincere eyes. "That's all it was. Of course, I meant it at that time. And of course, I would have liked for it to work out. But I mean… even if she had stayed and we'd have worked through it and stayed married longer… we would have never made it eventually," he finished his speech. Jo looked at him sadly. "Don't look at me like that, you know the story," he told her. Jo shook her head.

"Well, yeah, but I never knew so many thoughts or feelings about it," she said softly. "Is that why you… why you said 'Izzie needed them fertilized'?"

"What do you mean?" Alex asked her in confusion.

"You said that to me earlier… she had cancer and wanted to freeze her eggs and needed them fertilized. And it sounded like… you had no part in it," she whispered. Alex grinned.

"Well, except for the one with the cup and the magazine," he wriggled his eyebrows. Jo slapped his shoulder, laughing. They stayed silent. "Well, I guess I thought about it as much as I thought about the wedding, to be honest," he admitted. Jo nodded thoughtfully. "So… since we're depicting all our words from last night… let me ask you… what did you mean exactly when you said: 'She was worth it to you'?" Jo smiled.

"We do listen too much to what the other says, don't we?" They shared a loving smile. She sighed, taking his fingers and playing with them. "I just… I just meant that exactly. She was important enough for you to fertilize her eggs. Even though you didn't have children or anything, but you made a rash decision to fertilize her eggs which seems intuition-," she looked up when he interrupted her.

"Or stupidity?"

"I actually don't think so… even though you say she was sick and you had to act. Or you wanted to… you never act not true to your heart. That's one of the things I love most about you," she nestled a little closer, stroking his chest with her thumb, before he leaned down to kiss her softly, brushing her palm against her cheek.

"Jo, I just told you, I would make a baby in an instant with you," he told her sincerely. She smiled. "I mean I grew over time… just because I didn't jump you and tried impregnating you the moment we bought the loft doesn't mean that I wouldn't want to. And the only reason why I wouldn't fertilize your eggs is because I want real children," he rubbed his nose against hers. "Real faces. Mashed up Jo and Alex faces. Foulmouthed. Dirty. And cute," he stated slowly, clearly. Jo smiled, kissing him lovingly. "The thing is…," he broke the kiss and pulled back to see her face a little. Jo raised her eyebrows. "You're asking me this question… do I want kids? I mean… I know we're both _not there yet_ … but in asking me if _I_ want kids… and not stating if _you_ want kids… that kinda sounds like… well, it's not a decision we make together but separate and once we both know for sure we'll just split up and go have them with someone else… you know what I mean?" Jo looked at him and considered that statement. Then she shook her head.

"No, no, I didn't mean to say that at all. What I meant was… well… I'm not sure. I just wanted to know if you wanted kids with me. Not kids at all. I guess," Jo blushed. "I skipped that thought in my mind. It wasn't relevant to me if you wanted kids in your life in general. But if you wanted them with me," she hesitated, uncertain about his reaction. Alex smiled.

"Alright… then let's make this decision together… once we're both ready, alright?" Jo nodded at him bashfully. They sank into a tame kiss again, before sparkling their eyes at each other. They pecked each other's lips every once in a while, caressing the other's body softly, staring at each other, enjoying the moment, before Alex broke it again. "So," he asked her in a questioning kind of tone, his forehead lined, and his head shifted to the side. "You're the traveling kind of person?" Jo looked at him incredulously, shaking her head in amusement.

"You're not?" she laughed. Alex shrugged.

"Well… I can knock you up anywhere on this planet I guess… but let's not name our kids after those places… Zurich Karev doesn't work very well in my opinion," he mused theatrically. Jo snorted, shaking her head and wrapped her arms around his neck, waiting for him to be ready to be kissed again.


End file.
